Ramblings of a Stressed-Out Mother

Yesterday I decided that James and I needed to write down all of our upcoming commitments on our calendar. I have three things this whole month that I am doing.

1. Visiting teaching on Tuesday
2. Go to a missionary homecoming on the 16th
3. Host the ward book group at my house on the 26th.

James is a stake auditor (I wish he was a steak auditor, mmmmm…..) And has to do 3 audits this month. When will they be? Tuesday, the 16th, and the 26th. It seems that if we were not Mormons, we would have a LOT of free time.

So, here is my dilemma:

My kids go to bed at 7:00 or 7:30. My VT companion’s husband does not get home from work until 7:30. Even if I can find someone to watch my kids on Tuesday they will probably be naughty/ornery/tired/etc. and the poor soul who volunteers to watch them will say to themselves, “NEVER AGAIN!” And I won’t blame them at all.

Also, and I really hope I don’t offend anyone here, but husbands are home in the evenings. And if I don’t really know the husband then I am not really comfortable with that. (This is probably because when I was little I remember being yelled at by three different dads of my friends and being really and truly terrified! Guess I was naughty too!) I know that beggars can’t be choosers. But I am a chooser when it comes to who takes care of my kids, and that is why I don’t go anywhere or do anything. It is my own fault. I know I am too overprotective, but I’m not sure how to change it or if I really want to.

McKenna takes a nap from 1:00 to 3:00 every afternoon. You do not mess with this nap time. EVER. Bad things will happen. The homecoming on the 16th is right during this time. I had no intention of bringing the kids to this because first, it is nap time and second, even if it weren’t I would not be able to enjoy the meeting or visit with anyone afterward.

When you have kids it is almost impossible enjoy church (until it’s time for nursery/primary and they become someone else’s problem. I know that sounds harsh, but we’ve paid our dues: we were in the nursery for 2 years right after we had JJ.) My time in church is entirely spent on keeping little voices quiet and little hands occupied. It’s hard. I missed portions of both of my grandmother’s funerals to wrestle with screaming children in the hallway. I still feel horrible about both of those, because not only was my ability to pay tribute to my grandparents compromised, so was everyone else’s.

Whenever I’m at church and someone else’s kid starts screaming or crying I am secretly glad, because now some of the attention is diverted away from my kids. The point? I really struggle with taking my kids to any place where they are expected to sit nicely and quietly.

As for the 26th: That is the night of the HOA meeting. And the book group at my house. And the audit. So what will probably happen is that while we are trying to discuss the profoundness of The Scarlet Pimpernel and To Kill a Mockingbird, we will probably be interrupted by a little boy who will treat us to a display of various achievements/sound effects/ bodily functions that three-year-old boys possess. There is only one good thing about this: This will most likely be the first and last time that I am asked to host the book group.

I stared at the ceiling until 1:00am last night contemplating all of this. I love my kids so much, but sometimes I really don’t know where to put them, or what to do with them. I guess every mom feels this way sometimes, right?